When a parent and/or sibling serves in the Army or any branch of military service, the children/siblings also serve. Children experience the same psychological patterns as their parents due to their own feelings of loss and their awareness of the overall emotional situation. Sometimes parents, teachers and other significant adults overcompensate for their parent's absence by becoming permissive or overprotective with the children. Children express their feelings in different ways:

• Their outward behavior is not always a good reflection of what is going on emotionally.
  
• Some children cover up their true feelings while others are more open.
• Normal emotional reactions include:

  Sadness, fear, resentment, anger
  Self-blame
  "He/She doesn't love me"
  Clinging, attention seeking, some regressive or aggressive behaviors

Insecurity, loss of status, and change in routine all add up to two complex emotions: hurt and anger, which may be directed at you, teachers or other classmates. Dealing with these problems requires the honest expression of feelings.

• Talk about feelings
• Maintain the same rules for the children, they need the stability of unbroken routines
• Encourage letter writing, sending pictures, artwork and schoolwork
• Keep in touch with parents and other youth leaders to work together on changed behaviors or developing problems.
• Keep discipline consistent, children need stability.

Positive statements you can tell your child are:

• Your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister loves you, and you are very important to them.
• Try not to worry about your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister because the Army/Service has trained them well and will take care of them for you
• What your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister is doing for this country is very important to all t he people of our nation
• Thank you for sharing your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister with the Army/Service
• Sometimes when your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister are away on a mission, you get lonely and miss them. This is normal and okay.
• Your Mother/Father/Brother/Sister miss you when they're away and they love to get a message or mail from you.

~Departments of the Army and Air Force~

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1. They set goals.
Goals keep kids focused on the future. Help your child set goals. Talk to your child about: How much improvement would she like to see on this week's test? How would he like to improve his grades? What are two things she would like to accomplish this school year? What will be needed to meet those goals? Goals help students focus on what is important and what's not. If they have a vision of where they want to go, they're more likely to get there. And students with goals find it easier to say "no" to irresponsible behaviors…because they are saying "yes" to their vision of the future.

2. They plan their time.
Responsible people meet their obligations - whether it's turning in a paper on the day it is due or having a report on the boss's desk when it's needed. But it takes planning. Use a big calendar to teach your child how to organize her time. Write down all her commitments and use the calendar to plan time for homework each day. On a day when she has soccer after school, she'll need to study after dinner - but the next day, when she has choir practice in the evening, she'll need to study right after school. She can mark that on the calendar to remember.

3. They study every day.
Learning any subject is like building a brick wall - you do it steadily, one step at a time. Responsible students set aside time for homework or studying every day, even if it is for just a few minutes. On the days when their teacher assigns no homework these students "assign themselves." That may be the day they review vocabulary words or take a few minutes to review whatever subject it is that they are having trouble in.

4. They take notes in class.
Students who earn all A's seem to have one thing in common: they take notes in class. They have learned that teachers will almost always spell out what they think is important. Teach your child to take notes when the teacher is talking. Spend time reviewing them before a test - and watch grades go up.

5. They have the tools they need.
Some students seem to think they can go to class without the pencils, paper and other tools they need. It is the students responsibility to make sure they have all these items for class before they leave the house in the morning.

6. They keep their commitments.
Responsible people honor their commitments - to others and to themselves. They succeed in school by doing their assignments well and on time. They do their share of the group project. They go to soccer practice even when it's cold. Parents can teach commitments by example. Talk with children about the commitments you have made to the family - to provide meals, to keep clothes clean, to care for anyone who is sick. Ask children to make commitments of their own at home. And help them feel the satisfaction that comes from meeting their commitments.

7. They get ready ahead of time.
Some students start out every morning in a crisis. They can't find their homework. They don't have time to eat breakfast. The shirt they want to wear isn't ironed. Responsible students have learned that being late, or being early, is not something that simply happens to them. It is a choice they can make. Teach your child to take five or 10 minutes before bedtime to get ready for the next day. Pack the backpack. Make lunch. Lay out clothes. Children will soon see that those few minutes will make the morning easier…and help him get to school ready to learn.

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Bullying is another name for harassment. Bullying can be physical - one or more students hurting another. More often, bullying is verbal and includes persistent threatening, teasing, ridicule or talking about another person.

Bullies don't pick on you because of something you did. The bully is picking on you because of the way he or she feels. Some people bully others as a way of feeling popular, showing off or making themselves look tough. Others think that intimidation is the best way to handle problems. Often, they've been the victims of bullying themselves. So if someone is bullying you, don't think it's your fault.

You aren't helpless. Parents may tell their children to strike back at bullies. Usually that creates more problems than it solves. But if you're being bullied, you aren't helpless. You can do some things that may stop the bullying. Here are some things you might try:

• Tell a friend.
  Ask your friend to help you - it's tougher to pick on a person who has someone there for support.
• Walk away.
  It's harder to bully someone who won't stand still to listen.
• Chill out.
  Bullies seem to target kids who respond to their taunts - girls who cry easily or boys who have a tendency to fly off the handle. So try hard not to show any emotion. Practice by looking in a mirror if you have to. It's no fun to bully someone who doesn't seem to care.
• Try not to be alone.
  Avoid areas where the bully picks on you. This may mean you need to sit in a different place on the bus or take a different way to school.
• Don't fight back.
  Usually, bullies are bigger and stronger than you are. If you try to fight, you'll probably get clobbered. You could make the situation worse. Or you could even get blamed for starting the fight.
• Write it down.
  Keep track of what happens - dates, times, places. Write down exactly what the bully says. When you are ready to tell an adult, you'll have proof. Remember - people matter more than things. If bullies are attacking you because they want your money, your sneakers, or your jacket, give up your property before you give up your life. A jacket can be replaced. You can't.
• Tell an adult
  It's pretty tough to stop bullying by yourself…or even with the help of friends. So if you've tried some of the things on the list inside and the bullying hasn't stopped, it's time for you to tell an adult. Nobody likes to admit that they're being bullied. And some kids think they're being a tattletale if they tell an adult. That's not true. Kids have a right to be safe from attacks. And often a bully has more than one victim - so if you don't tell the bully will just keep on harassing other people, too. Start by telling your parents. Show them the things you've written down. Ask them to tell a teacher or your principal. There are things schools can do to stop kids from bullying - but they can't take action if they don't know what's happening. And usually bullies are clever enough to do their bullying when no adults are around.

Bullying doesn't have to be a fact of life. Adults don't want it to go on in school. So if you're the victim of a bully…or if you know someone who is, don't wait. The sooner you act, the sooner the bullying will stop!

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TRY TO ELIMINATE YOUR CHILD'S
DISRESPECTFUL BACK TALK

Sooner or later, most children talk back to their parents. Here are some ways to handle back talk without losing your cool:

A Acknowledge your child's feelings. You might say, "You must be tired of hearing me talk about this."

B Be responsive, not reactive. Back talk is designed to get a reaction out of grown ups. If you react, you're likely to hear more back talk at another time. You can't control your child's behavior, but you can control your own. So focus on staying calm.

C Consider consequences. Remind your child, in a calm voice, of the consequences of her choice. "You know the rules. No TV if homework isn't finished."

D Don't make back talk an option. Instead of walking away and hoping that your child takes out the trash, stand quietly and look at her. She will probably grumble, but then she'll get up and take the trash out.

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NON-THREATENING METHODS CAN MOTIVATE YOUR CHILD TO STUDY

Nagging kids to study usually doesn't work. Nor does preaching about the many benefits of education.

To motivate your child:

• Be a learner yourself. Let your child see you read books. Go to the library. Watch educational TV programs. Attend school functions. Tackle new projects. Show curiosity.
• Share what you learn. Talk about new ideas or scientific discoveries with your child. Discuss something your read or heard.
• Show interest in what your child is learning. Ask questions simply to learn and share - not to check up on or criticize your child's efforts.
• Set aside a specific time every day for your child to study. This makes studying routine.
• Believe your child can learn. If you realistically show faith in his ability to learn, he will have more confidence in his ability as well.
• Never lose faith. If your child has problems in school, stay calm. Help him see that problems can be solved. Talk with the teacher, if needed. Figure out what your child can do to improve, and how you and the teacher can help.
• Meet your child's basic needs. To learn, children need to feel rested, healthy, and loved. They need to be free from emotional trauma.
• Value your child's efforts. Tell him you like it when he tries.

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YOU CAN HELP AN IMPULSIVE CHILD
MAINTAIN CONTROL

Impulsive kids have a hard time at school. They can't wait for their turn or stand in line for long. They get impatient and sometimes cause trouble. They blurt out answers to the teacher's questions at inappropriate times. They do and say things without thinking about consequences. Their impulsiveness makes it hard to keep friends.

Here's how you can help an impulsive child:

• See that your child gets plenty of exercise.
• Provide structure and routines to increase stable behavior.
• Set rules and explain the consequences for breaking them.
• Set specific times for specific tasks.
• Let your child experience the natural consequences of her impulsive actions.
• Praise and reward your child for thinking before acting. Give her a hug or special time with you.
• Teach your child how to verbalize feelings before losing control.
• Teach ways to settle down like counting to 10, taking deep breaths or saying the alphabet.
• Ask your child's teacher what she works for her in the classroom setting and try it at home.

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LAUGHTER THERAPY:
THE ART OF INTERNAL JOGGING

With the holidays approaching, stress levels may be high. It is very important that we remember to stop and take a breather and most importantly, smile.

How does laughter affect us?

Relationships:

• Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
• A magazine poll indicated the ability to laugh together is the number one reason people marry.

Physiology:

• Laughter stimulates the immune system.
• Laughter decreases stress hormones.
• Laughter produces natural pain killers.
• Laughter helps in muscle relaxation.
• Laughter provides cardiac exercise~ initial increase in heart rate contributes to an overall lower resting heart rate.

Ways to help yourself laugh:

• Fake it till you make it.
• Smile more.
• Share your embarrassing moments.
• Laugh along with strangers.
• Collect toys.
• Play with animals.
• Make a serious list.
• Laugh with a baby.
• Do something out of character.
• Tell someone what you laughed about.
• Help someone else laugh.
• Have a family reunion with or without your family.
• Say seriously.
• Throw a unique party.
• Seek out people who laugh.
• Risk looking foolish.
• Have a pillow fight.
• Appreciate someone.

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SCHOOL CHILDREN:
PLAY VS. TALKING THERAPY

The question of this month has to do with the usefulness of play therapy versus talking therapy for early school-aged children. When students come into my office my goal is to build rapport with them, make them feel comfortable with me by asking questions that shows I am interested in getting to know them better, and encourage them to talk about their problem if they want, but not force them if they are not ready. There are toys and games in my office that are used if necessary to break the ice. My fear was that students would want to come to my office to play but as I have learned there is a purpose for the play. Play is fun and it helps students open up, especially ones that are very shy, but. But play is not the sole objective of play therapy; There is a job to do. Sometimes when a child comes to me he or she is unable to verbalize their experience, and this is why we do play therapy. If play alone would cure a child, children would treat themselves on the playground and not need to see me. Play is often diagnostic. A child's play is to the counselor what the x-ray is to a surgeon – It shows us what is hidden beneath the surface. Play is a medium for expressing feelings, exploring relationships, describing experiences, disclosing wishes, and self-fulfillment. Play is the way they show what is hidden beneath the surface of their limited ability or willingness to tell their story in words. Often, the most telling communications of the unconscious come in nonverbal form.

Because play therapy is a learning experience for children, limits are not set until they are needed. The child cannot learn self control until an opportunity to exercise self control arises. Therefore, placing a limitation on a child pouring paint on the floor is unnecessary unless the child attempts such an activity. Limits are worded in a way that allows the child to bring himself or herself under control. The objective is to respond in such a way that the child is allowed to say No to self. Saying to the child, “You would like to pour paint on the floor but the floor is not for pouring paint on; the pan is for pouring paint into,” recognizes the child's feelings, communicates what the floor is not for, and provides an acceptable alternative. The child is thereby allowed to stop himself or herself.

In summary, it is very important to respect the ability of the child to communicate non-verbally through play, to tell a story, and to find alternative, healthier ways of problem-solving. With very young children, nonverbal communication may be the only way to gain access to the subjective reality of the psyche. The expectation that children “talk” can be counterproductive at times. It is important to meet students of any age on their own level, and allow them to communicate to us in terms that are developmentally appropriate for the child.